coming on too strong

Sometimes you screw up and don't realize it till it's way too late. I just did that. But it did force me to realize and face up to a behavior pattern that I'm not proud of. Turns out that when I found a woman who I thought was dope, and she was down to spend time with me I turned into Elmyra. You remember the tiny toon crazy chick who was famous for squeezing small animals while chanting:

"I'm gonna hug you and kiss you and love you forever"

Trouble is that I never realized how potent a behavior pattern I was throwing out there. And much like Elmyra I caused serious discomfort from my over enthusiastic affection. I couldn't understand for the life of me why none wanted to spend time with me beyond a date or three.

Now I understand. I've been a clingy motherfucker who came on strong and poured it on thick once i realized the depth of the dopeness before me. And as a result I just chased a an extremely good woman off. So wish me luck ya'll that I have finally learned my lesson and just enjoy whatever women come into my life from here on out as opposed to obsessing over them and wanting so badly to keep them in my life that I warp back into Elmyra. I think I just have to remember that if they're going to be around it will unfold naturally and that I'm not gonna help anything by coming on strong. Just tryin to live and learn ya know.

crush or obsession?

Sitting here reflecting on the thoughts and feelings of a crush. The incessant thinking of her from the time I wake in the morning all the way through to my last thought before sleep at night. The undying yearning to contact her, to hear her voice, to read her thoughts. The insatiable hunger to touch her physically, emotionally, mentally. Replaying the sight and feeling of a simple kiss. This is what it's like for me, in my mind, to experience a crush.

And this is the definition of obsession from www.dictionary.com
ob·ses·sion /?b--s???n/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[uhb-sesh-uhn]
–noun ..>..>

1.	the domination of one's thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc.

..>..>

2.	the idea, image, desire, feeling, etc., itself.

..>..>

3.	the state of being obsessed.

..>..>

4.	the act of obsessing.

now the fact that the word obsession seems to sum up a loose description of what i'm feeling and going through is a bit disconcerting to me to say the least. to be honesty it's pretty damn alarming. and i'm left to wonder if i'm the only crazy person in the world who feels this way when crushing, or if this is normal........

possible

“Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing.”
-Arundhati Roy

the possibilities are endless, our potential ageless,
no quaintness, weakness or voicelessness allowed to digress
as we progress on to the next birth, a wondrous
exhibition of our prowess with purpose not prefaced
by prudeness, rudeness or useless foolish toothless nooses
we moved with clueless in lifetimes before this,
every moment won't be pure bliss cuz bitterness
is a blessing too,
like two toned tulips on a tuesday morning
breathing through dew showing a beaucoup
of beauty i view me and you in this light blooming,
booming with energy while fuming over the looming
pruning cyclically zooming into life,
whatever the next scene we are prepared,
we've stripped bare every state of affairs
and with no fan fare can easily declare
that we've got the hardware to snare a plowshare
of positivity, our creativity molds the possibilities,
and they're endless

reborn

new beginings arise from recent endings, i suppose. looking out over what is to be, what is to come, what i will create, i see a mass of beauty and many potholes to trip in.

i must keep my heart open to the flow of inspiration.

i must keep my ears open to hear the voice of my ancestors.

i must keep my eyes open to see the road before me.

i must keep my hands open to truly touch those around me so that we may create together in a manner that surpasses the granduer of our wildest dreams.

the day has dawned and we only have so much time to build together. we only have so many moments to capture in our minds eye. i welcome you all into my circle of craft. lets pool our gifts, talents, and time together and see what we can make.

self worth

In the beginning we know nothing other than what we instinctively are drawn to. Those instincts are driven by base urges, the necessity to fulfill basic needs or die. Eat, breath, avoid predators, gain access to physical affection. Babies know how to do this instinctively. And some of us come by these basic things easily from birth through death. Some of us have lived a different path, and that path leads to varying degrees of self worth. That self worth is the key basis for all things in life. The way you value yourself will completely determine what you will take from life and from the people around you, and what you will allow to be shoved on you in same.

And for some of us there is a never ending mental/emotional tug of war as to what that value truly is. It's usually simmering beneath the surface, but comes out to be seen in arguments of self such as, "she deserves someone much better than I am." Only to be rebutted immediately with, "shut up, I'm a dope human being and deserving of love." Now I've witnessed some of my friends go through this scenario time and again, and I've lived through it myself. So what to do to finalize a high sense of self worth? How to get to that lofty level? How to realize the amazing capabilities and the true beauty of who we are, who I am, who you are? Does anyone have the answer?

remembering love

i remember you from a thousand lifetimes ago. the sight of you, smell of you, and feeling of your energy all remind me of a thousand poems. i am comforted by your visage and enthralled by your identity. i want nothing more than to memorize every line of your face so that when i'm away from you i can close my eyes and see it clearly. i can't wait to hear every story you have to tell, so that i can fill in the blanks for you when you retell them. i look forward to growing old with you, and facing the dune tides of time's sand, hand in hand. i don't know if we've met or not, but i know you're out there and i'm looking forward to loving you, learning you, laughing with you, for a thousand lifetimes more.

questions

are you making history?,
embracing your story?,
tracing her story?,
reflecting on glories, plights,
joyous sights, righteous fights,
of the life you live and the lives
of those who did give time's sive
what for as they explored
ways to lay down a floor
for you to stand on and abhore
the current social horrors stored
in our collective psyche?
yes? no? i was just asking.....

ramblings of a broken mind

there are too few moments to gather, or at least sometimes it seems,
since a lifetime is only a handful of memories, and faceless emotions stored in skin. trying to remember to stop, to truly catch a glimpse of those all around. trying to see them for who they are, and let them see the real. that's all i got to say about that.

simple pleasures.
being there for a friend in need.
watching my nephew learn and grow.
knowing my bills will be paid.
sitting in my garden.

i see you

i see you. you know who you are.

there in the corners of your mind hides the truth,
there in the backdrop of your thoughts is proof
of your mania and emotional fragility that you disguise
cuz you despise what resides on your insides,
i recognize and surmise you fall as opposed to rise
primarily because you can never decide
that you're really worthy, trully beauty,
you don't know your duty is to you,
so you hide your shine away,
never come out to play,
sad inside each day,
but hey
it's your life not mine.

sigh and the world don't notice

simple sights enlighten and warm my soul. i see the light from you and learn the lessons written in the lines of your face. the warm passion exuding from your embrace brings me to a point of calm that i didn't know before i remembered you. this moment is frozen for eternity and we will happen upon it's remnants again. there we go again, on our individual paths apart, circling around a shared star, never realizing we are what we are. we share the same part, know the same lines, and have the same shine. there we go again. always defined by the eyes of those who observe our movements but never really understood. we are figments of their creative bodies. we are as we believe. the simple moments, sounds and tastes of this life are fleeting, fractured impulses collected in a pocket of consciousness and rummaged through when the proper stimuli reveals itself. nothings going to make me or break me. i will always be.