morning hurts

i was fucking terrified. there's no other way to put it. the pain washed over me and racked my body like an electric shock that wouldn't let up. my muscles seized, my mind in full fledged fright quickly raced over a list of faces that i might call on for help. i staggered across the room and threw 4 pain pills in my mouth hoping they would knock me unconscious and i could wake up far removed from this agony.

i dragged my body from room to room searching for relief in this chair, or that floor. no consolation could be found in any position i took. this moving about my home became increasingly hard to do as the pain was growing in intensity and my muscles were locking up to accommodate it's drive in power. i got the front door open and thumped down, kneeling on a chair. and there my plants stared me in the face. for the first time since the mornings onslaught began i took a deep breath and felt my muscles relax. i took a deep breath with them. i felt my body relax a tiny bit more. .

i knew i was going to be ok.

my old friend

i didn't expect you to come back to me,
i figured you'd moved on, chosen to be free
to move about and inflict yourself on others,
but here you are, your wretched presence simply smothers
out feelings of elation or joy, forcing pangs that rain
to heighten and annoy my understanding of this grain
of sand, this time slips through my hands,
and all i want is for you to disband,
to leave here now and never look back,
least not till the light in my eyes has turned to black

reflection

it's a pattern of light bounced off a shiny surface,
it's a pattern of life reciprocated with a purpose,
it's a measure of motion that leads to anticipation,
it's a simple but powerful thing, it's a creation,

it's reciprocation of emotion, act, and sight
between two, bringing to focus unspoken intimate invites,
caring touches show a view that something's up, a dialectic,
it's in the air, you can feel it, it is electric,

you look outside to empathize when these emotions rise,
you look beyond your little world when you realize
something's there, or at least you hope that it is true,
at start and end though all you can be is you,

take a moment to hold on to this moment in time
cuz reflections of caring emotions shared are hard to find,
embrace the space and in kind appreciate the action,
as you never know when this kind of thing is gonna happen

a line in the sand

across this line you shall not pass,
try to get the basics of that statement grasped,
if a gash has cracked across the face of understanding,
leaving me to set a border line to guard while standing
up for what i believe in, i may not win,
but believe, trust, and know
that i will never give in

face dancing

i close my eyes, in the dark silence given
i sense your rhythm,
easing forward feeling your breath
trace my face, thoughts are driven
to a point in space overlooking a serene scene,
our faces are dancing, only you know what i mean,
soft flesh begins to mesh, tongues flicker like flames,
we deplete and refresh a depth of hunger untamed,
devouring each other, then pull back softly to a flutter,
this dance can last all night cuz our rhythms match each other

release

salvation slithered forth and sloppily plopped into a pool of freedom,
blood streamed down it's face to illustrate the perils of it's journey,
this was the first step of the rest of it's life

broken people

some folks aint gonna be right, they are broken inside,
their pain painted emotions and scar tissue can't hide,
they can't assimilate or participate like we want em
the hurt has forced them to adapt, it seems they've forgotten
the simplicity of easier days because of the crashing waves
of onslaught that washed up at their door
when it was only love they started out looking for,
now with bitter scales or tough skin they always look out,
constantly scanning and theorizing to find out what you're about,
you can't possibly be pure, you're intention can't be true,
someone's out to get them, it could possibly be you,
they have to stay protected, it's the only hope they view,

don't let the hurt from yesterday stifle and cripple you

morning questions

what to do, what to do,
what to listen to and view,
what to pursue, what to chase away,
what in the world should i look for today?
and does it really matter anyway?
i mean life is gonna provide me with tons
of information, boredom and fun
whether i add to or take from the sum,
it's just another rotation around the sun

sorry, wrong number

this couldn't have been meant for me,
i really think that's true,
and the sender of this sensitive info
has no clue that i can view
a secret, a statement, a lie well kept,
a hug from afar for a loved one who wept,
this text i am reading wasn't meant for me,
as the red faced sender soon shall see

old friends talking it out

her words flowed forth in a fury
as she paced her self through pained stories unhurried,
laying out the participants and participles,
trying to make the complicated affairs very simple,
laying it all at my feet to make sense of it all,
i tore through it like a paper sheet,
played like a kid with a ball,
gladly taking the task at hand,
i devoured it like a treat,
because a friend deserves advice and comfort
when pondering their own retreat.

compliment denied

i saw beauty in her eyes,
so i told her so,
but i know she didn’t believe me,
i think she let it go,
likely tossed upon a heap of old lies
that other men tossed at her
while trying to pry her thighs.

another goodbye

under an orange sky with black clouds floating high
she closed the door gently after her final goodbye,
nothing could be said to pull her back inside,
her intentions laid out plainly, very sanely, very dry,
he knew somethings could not be fixed, or amended,
no matter how people worked at it, hoped, and pretended,
he knew what she was doing was right, just, and true,
but it didn’t change the color of his heavy heart from blue

the beautiful people

some people like to be looked at,
most people prefer to be ignored,
to those that like to be observed it’s just old hat
to have folks gawk and stare and have stored
every feature of their face,
every movement being retraced,
every possible suggestion of their frame
is to be devoured by those who maintain
their focus on every breath, every refrain,
every step is fodder for camera and conversation,
these people who stand in for this intense observation
know what they’re in for,
even if they claim to abhor what’s in store,
they shake, shimmy, and clamor for more,
while the rest of us stare on, tear them down, or adore

stop judging books...

it’s easy to see mediocrity, it’s what we’re trained to see,
and in many it’s what they’re trained to be,
what’s harder for most is to observe one as host
of greatness, we take it for granted that dullards abound,
when our peers veering to new heights are littered all around,
so the next time you assume that most are dumb as pork rinds
take a deeper look and be surprised at what you find

move along, nothing to see

while pondering the possibilities of what could be
i saw a vision wander up, then pass on by me,
i tried to touch it, hold it, make it freeze for a moment,
but the variables didn't add up in it's life quotient,
so it went that i saw the beauty it held inside,
i felt the parts of passion peaking out to confide,
i felt it's power and sensed it's pain,
not a single moment spent with it was in vain,
as it passed me by I knew life wouldn’t really change
except that part of me now marked by seeing it’s full range

the lonely lovers

i see them everywhere,
i know you see them too,
the loneliest one’s out there,
they’ve got deep pool’s of blue
hidden behind the cozy confines
of a relationship of love shared in kind,
they’re lonely because they hide behind the walls
built over years of inner tear drop falls,
small hurts can snowball and cause a landslide
causing the one under rubble to no longer confide
inner most thoughts, transgressions from the day,
cuz they know that their lover won’t care anyway,
at least that’s how they feel after the thickening peel
of callused emotion forces them into the oceans of emotion
alone, even while they share a bed
cuz they’re trapped with their thoughts in the cell of their heads

plants in my garden

they remind me of what i am,
just a ball of clay in mother natures hand,
existing, not persisting, just being, never seeing,
only ever being while breathing with me,
for me, they implore me, silently to share
my air, my cares, my affairs, their wares
are there for all to see,
as they constantly grow till death,
being all they can ever be,
their steps are breaths,
even in eternal rest
they give to me
a fertile foundation for their progeny.

the big picture

we speak in narratives with every breath we give,
we create story lines with every act we live,
those stories will outlive us as others relive
robust remembrance of us, we’re sand through a sieve.

moving past impatience

edgy, restless, seeking signs of progress,
itching for an inkling that aything is sinking in
and providing a breeding ground for wins,
impatience sets in,
but i digress,
as the breath fills my chest,
i reset the pieces to line up best
setting defense and offense to wrest
results from situations i see coming at me,
it will be mine,
victory,
and i will shine,
handsomely

kids smile

that smile damn near blinded me,
reminded me of electricity,
brought me back to times of me
being wide eyed and enthralled by it all,
all we were doing was tossing a ball
back and forth standing in an empty hall,
it’s good to see kids smile, it ignites our inner light,
it’s good to hear kids laugh, it can bring you back to life,
aint nothing like a childs smile in the world,
it’s like watching rays of sun flare up and then unfurl.

one man at a bus stop

sitting there staring out at a world that didn’t love him,
he rubbed his grit lined eyes, inhaled his cigarette deeply,
and let go of any hope of anyone loving him back.

despair was in the air,
depression colored the affair,
pain was the suit he wore,
scars from battles, all he bore,
nothing alive could keep him here now,
we can just watch him kneel, then bow
to the god of darkness

i hate you

i can’t understand in any way
how a grown man would think to take away
his time and affection for his own offspring
and think it would bring anything but pain as the only offering
he had to give to his kid.

fuck you for making that your only gift to give.
fuck you for making my loved one’s only life to live
a reflection of the decisions you poorly made, to outlive
your bad decisions, you’ve force him into a prison
built of questions of love, of things he can and cant give,
these are things that i simply can not forgive